


Through his phone- Neville

by DrJackAndMissIole



Series: Through their phones [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Texting, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 01:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16801255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrJackAndMissIole/pseuds/DrJackAndMissIole
Summary: A day in Neville Longbottom's life, as told through the text he sent and received





	Through his phone- Neville

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I do not own shit.  
> Basically my bff complains about the lack of NevillexBlaise and I volounteered to do this. I am starting a series about characters from hp in text fics, so if you want to request a particular one you can do so on my tumblr :)  
> enjoy!

**Chat: Harry**

_07.45_

You know the drill.

So do you.

Try not to spill my brain juice somewhere.

_07.50_

It’s so weird when you call coffee that.

Doncha worry

Got a lid that fits perfectly this time.

**Chat: Blaise**

_08.50_

This is so boring please save me

I wish I could

But wouldn’t you rather save yourself, my war hero?

_08.53_

You kill one (1) giant magical snake who happens to contain 1/8 of the soul of the second most evil wizard Britain has ever seen

And now everyone expects you to not fall asleep during a philosophy class

I thought you liked philosophy!

_08.55_

When the professor doesn’t just robotically read out loud from his dull powerpoint presentation.

Flash News Asshole! We can see the info right there.

_08.56_

Honestly I don’t need to listen to how Hegel died on November 14th 1831 in Berlin

JUST TELL ME ABOUT ONE OF THE THOUSANDS OF SHITS I NEED TO KNOW.

_08.58_

Relax, Darling. It will get better.

I never thought I’d say this but sometimes I miss Snape.

AT LEAST HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TEACHING

Even if his methods were completely and utterly wrong and he should’ve never been able to gain the position.

Thank Godric for Minerva McGonagall

_09.01_

Thank Salazar and Merlin for Minerva McGonagall.

And try to remember that Dumbledore was doing what he thought was best back then.

As if.

_09.15_

By the way, did Harry mention something to you?

_09.17_

Like what?

Double date?

_09.20_

No.

I just need to know if Draco told him something I said a few nights ago.

When we and Pansy went out drinking.

_09.22_

What did you say?

_09.23_

I don’t recall.

My memory is foggy.

_09.24_

You’re using punctuation

Cause I am a well read and fine man

_09.25_

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!

_09.27_

Tell me!!!

_09.34_

All right. Imma ask Harry.

Darling, please don’t.

_09.35_

FINE MAN MY ASS!

Your ass is quite fine I’d say.

Cut the crap.

You’re so dead!

_09.38_

You know I have absolutely no control over what I say under the influence of muggle alcohols, love.

_09.40_

Oh My Fucking Godric

This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me

_09.41_

I thought living in the straightest possible dormitory in all Hogwarts was the worst thing that had ever happened to you.

_09.43_

  1. There was nothing straight about our dormitory, even the pictures hanged crookedly on the walls.
  2. The worst thing that ever happened to me would be going on a date with you, Zabini.



_09.45_

You wound me, darling.

Also, about gay dormitories. I had to live with Malfoy.

I know.

Sometimes Harry complains about it as well

Said once that he would’ve rather perished to Voldemort, instead of having to follow another one of Draco’s extravaganza.

_09.48_

I am surprised that man knows such words.

I never understand the reason behind his and Draco’s relationship, sometimes.

One is so poised and well mannered

The Other’s a bloody Gryffindor

_09.49_

Be careful with your words.

Remember which house I’m from.

Your grandma’s. You lived there.

_09.50_

You fucking Slytherins annoy me very much

_10.00_

Lecture’s fucking over. THANK GODRIC

Now let’s get back to the main argument.

Harry said Draco told him that he was shocked about me.

THE FUCK YOU TOLD DRACO

_10.02_

Aren’t you worried about Pansy as well?

That snake knows how to keep her mouth shut.

Malfoy doesn’t.

Seriously B.

_10.05_

Please tell me you didn’t tell him what we did last week.

_10.10_

You mean

What you insisted on us doing.

Not that I disapproved.

_10.12_

It’s rather charming being magically tied up by your heroic and well hung boyfriend.

_10.15_

_You have blocked this user._

**Chat: Harry**

_10.15_

I’m gonna kill him

_10.17_

Shovel’s ready.

Or if you want you can use it as dinner for Saphira

_10.20_

He would cause her indigestion and then Hermione would definitely kill me

_10.23_

She hasn’t killed anyone of us yet

I think you’re safe

_10.24_

Didn’t you and Ron mention something about being completely and utterly terrified of her since first year?

Yup.

And yet you think we’re safe

_10.25_

I said You, Longbottom.

Me and Ron, we pray every night to Dumbledore’s soul that she doesn’t murder us.

_10.30_

Btw can we skip English?

No

**Chat: Draco Malfoy**

_10.20_

Longbottom

How dare you block my best friend?

_10.25_

I can see you read the text

Unblock Blaise now!

_10.30_

_You have blocked this user._

**Chat: Harry**

_10.31_

You’re on a blocker spree?

Do you wanna be next?

_10.32_

You would never.

Especially since I’ve flirted with Math’s assistant

The guy or the girl?

The girl.

_10.34_

She’s like 40!

She got me last year’s papers.

And said that, if I promise not to pass it to anyone else, she’ll give me this year’s in advance

Before the test.

The test papers in advance.

_10.35_

I love you so much right now

You’re amazing

_10.36_

I am Harry Freaking Potter

You can bet your little ass I’m amazing!

_10.39_

You deserve this

I took places in the third to last row for English.

_10.40_

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

But seriously unblock Draco and Blaise cause they’re being a pain in my ass.

After class is over.

Deal.

**Chat: Boys’ Dormitory**

_12.00_

Seamus

Lunch everybody?

_12.03_

Ron 

It’s anybody or anyone

You’re using it in a question

Harry

Hermione get off Ron’s phone!

_12.04_

Me and Harry finish class at 1pm

Where do you want to meet?

_12.10_

Seamus

1.15 at that Chinese place that also serves sushi?

_12.11_

Deal

Ron

Deal

Harry

Deal

12.12

Harry I answered for both of us.

Harry 

Sorry

Dean

NO GIRLFRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS

JUST US

Ron

Does this mean you come or Seamus does?

_12.15_

Seamus

Ron I swear I’m gonna make all your food explode

Children please

No fighting at the dinner table

Dean

But muuuuuuuuuum

Harry

We are Gryffindors

Fighting is all we’re good at!

_12.20_

Seamus

We have other positive traits, like loyalty and rage and a passion for breaking the rules

_12.30_

I miss the only days

Harry

You know, I never thought I’d say this

But today I missed professor Binns

TRUE

_12.35_

Dean

That bad lecture?

_12.38_

Harry

Horrible lecture

_12.41_

At least with Binns we could have fun in the meantime

This one just talks and tells us to shut up

Ron

You can always use magic to make things interesting

_12.42_

Harry

I used magic this morning to make it look like I was paying attention while I slept

_12.43_

Oh, right, I wanted to tell you @Harry

Ten years later and you still snore louder than a dragon.

Harry

Two words: Math paper

_12.44_

I apologize

Seamus

Damn Potter

**Chat: Draco**

_13.01_

_You have unblocked this user._

_13.02_

Bitch.

**Chat: Blaise**

_13.02_

_You have unblocked this user._

_13.03_

I’ll be home around six. Want to order pizza?

Nah, I’ll cook.

_13.04_

Wow.

I should guilt trip you more

_13.06_

Fuck off.

As you wish.

_13.10_

Are you having a proper decent meal for lunch?

You need to eat to maintain that stellar figure

Chinese with the boys

_13.11_

All right but don’t forget the vegetables!

Tell them I say hi

And also, Draco didn’t say anything crucial to Harry

_13.12_

Good

_13.14_

Otherwise I’d have to kill him

What is with you Gryffindors and murder?

What is with you Slytherins and not holding liquor?

_13.15_

Touché

See you later at home

**Chat: Luna**

_15.18_

I need to go to the botanical gardens tomorrow

Wanna come with me?

_15.20_

YES YES YES

_15.25_

Great! Pick me up at 9am please

Thank you

15.26

You’re coming with me, I should thank you

You’re taking me to see plants

I will forever be thankful for you taking me to see plants

_15.28_

Don’t forget the flowers!

How could I?

**Chat: Boys’ Dormitory**

_16.00_

Seamus

I just realized no one in our dormitory was/is straight.

What about @Ron?

_16.02_

Harry

He’d fuck Victor Krum any day

Ron

Hey! Not true!

_16.04_

Ron

Back in the day, sure. Now not anymore

_16.05_

Dean

We were five little queer guys

_16.06_

And we were roommates!

Dean

Oh my Godric we were roommates!

Seamus

And we all had a secret crush on one of Durmstrang’s boys!

_16.08_

I didn’t

_16.10_

Harry

I had a crush on Cedric

_16.12_

Dean

And I had one on one from Beaubatons

_16.15_

Ron

Out of curiosity

Who did you have a crush on from Durmstrang’s @Seamus?

_16.20_

Seamus

Forgot his name but his biceps were HUGE

**Chat: Blaise**

_17.50_

I’m coming home

You sure you don’t want pizza?

_17.52_

I’m sure

I want you.

_17.55_

Well, I am hungry so I’d rather eat properly first

That’s a shame really

**Chat: Luna**

_22.00_

Don’t forget nine o’clock

Goodnight.

_22.10_

I could never forget

See you later

‘night

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Neville and Harry's philosophy teacher is inspired by mine, so imagine a bald old man with a unibrow that tells the class every two seconds 'SHHHHHHHHH'  
> *fun fact, in my 20 years of life I always thought Blaise's surname was Zambini and not Zabini and my glorious beta Melipedia made me notice that, so thank her if I wrote Zabini instead of Zambini ;)*  
> please don't forget to leave kudos and comment!  
> jo


End file.
